Once upon a time I dreamt of having children. After getting married I quickly found out that might never happen.
Actually, more than one doctor actually told me that it would never happen. As you can imagine, that time was mentally draining and stressful for me.
So, as with anyone who dreams of having something that they are told they can’t have, I dreamt of having children and spending every waking moment with them. A life full of unconditional love and affection and all around cuteness.
Then, I randomly got pregnant. Gave birth to my first daughter and the cold water of reality soon wake me out of my day dream.
Actually being a mother was a lot different than what I had in mind. There is a whole lotta love, but I never realized how much I took my personal time for granted. And by personal time I mean even the 10 minutes to myself in the shower.
So, through life’s greatest form of test; Trial and Error, I have come up with a few ways you can reclaim personal time while still raising children. Here are 5 of them:
Don’t Feel Guilty
Don’t feel guilty that you need to have a life to yourself. Does that mean neglect your child? No. Why have them if you’re going to neglect them.
But you are a better you when you are not stressed. Constantly feeling guilty that you aren’t doing enough, you aren’t spending enough time or you aren’t able to clone yourself to be in 5 places at the same time doesn’t help.
It only leads to burnout.
The truth is, 40% of women in the US work. It’s just part of many women’s economic reality.
If you are someone who has to work because of your circumstances, then finding time for your children before work and after is essential.
If you don’t really have to work because you’re partner makes enough, I would seriously consider cutting back and devoting more time to the children. I know, that’s a bit controversial.
But let’s be honest with each other.
The guilt many mothers feel when it comes to not spending time with their young children usually comes from those who are choosing to spend their time at work rather than with their children. Women who do what they have to do because they need to make ends meat don’t typically feel that same type of guilt.
Not working so much, or not at all during those first few years of your child’s life will actually allow you to do other things you may have always wanted to do but couldn’t.
For me, I am writing this awesome blog.
Create Your Morning at Night
Don’t get caught in the morning with your pants down. Literally and figuratively.
If you prepare your morning routines the night before you will find that your stress level for the day will start to reduce.
Starting your morning in franticness because you are unprepared for breakfast, clothes to wear for the children, husband running around looking for his keys and a baby screaming is enough to make anyone lose it after a while.
The easiest and most effective solution is to have breakfast, clothes to wear, a clean kitchen and eating area and a daily mechanical morning ritual/routine that can be done on autopilot. If you set this all up the night before, you can focus your attention in the morning on other things, LIKE YOUR SELF.
Imagine that, a hot cup of organic fair trade pumpkin spice latte in a quiet and clean room in total relaxation as you enjoy your internet news eating a bowl of granola cereal.
Be a Calendar Freak
I was never a calendar person. To be honest, I’m still learning this art.
I once had a co-worker who’s entire life can be mapped out within the spreadsheet cells of Microsoft Excel. I’m not there yet, and probably won’t ever be.
However, having a calendar has helped me find more time for myself. Your life will make a lot more sense if keep a calendar for yourself and have a big calendar for the family posted somewhere where everyone converges, like the kitchen.
Having you, your husband and your children’s events, obligations, appointments, chores and days out scheduled in sync will make sure you are all on the same page. No more will you need to angrily say, “Didn’t I tell you we had that appointment with the chiropodist on Tuesday at 10am?”
Aside from the stress this relieves, you can create your calendar and schedule personal time for yourself. The best thing I have found is to schedule YOUR personal time first and then everything else around it.
That way you guarantee yourself at least an hour or so of ME time a day.
The Gray Zone Time
The gray zone, AKA no man’s land time. This is the time where you are not working but still thinking about work.
This is the time that gets most of us in the worst trouble because we can’t separate ourselves from our work-life. This is a big factor when it comes to burning out because you begin to feel consumed by the job.
You might have the greatest job in the world. But your job should never consume you.
You are not your job. You are you and your job is what you do. If you haven’t drawn that line in the sand yet, do so now. It will be the start of a new life for you if you do.
The best thing you can do to avoid the gray zone is to be very focused during your working time. You should have a list of things you need to accomplish at work for the week and then break that list down to daily tasks.
Focus on finishing your daily tasks. If that means no Facebook at work, then guess what, no Facebook at work.
When you do this and accomplish your daily tasks, you will begin to find that the time you spend out of work is much more fruitful. You’re time with your loved ones will feel like more quality time because YOU will actually be there mentally.
This also will create a clear separation between your personal time, family time and work time. These distinctions are important and will allow you to be fully engaged within each respective time.
Use Vacations Strategically
Be the first one in your office to request your vacations before and after major federal holidays. If you know your office will be closed on a Friday or a Monday to observe a federal holiday, then request 1 day before and after.
So, if your closed on a Monday, request Friday off. And if you have it like that, request Friday and Tuesday off and give yourself a 5 day mini-vacation.
Just remember to actually use that vacation time for yourself.
At the very least, use up all of your vacation time every year. Did you know that US workers only use 77% of their paid time off?
That is a disturbing trend. Time off is essential and as mothers and women who are depended on by many people in our lives, we have to find any time we can to use for our own personal time to recuperate and rejuvenate.
Besides, wouldn’t you rather have a paid spa day than seeing Felicia complain about the same thing for the 50th time at work this week?
I know I would.
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